It's back to square one; the place I don't want to be in.
This wasn't where I wanted things to end up being.
This isn't the think I wanted you to have in mind.
This wasn't anything I ever wanted.
Being the truth, there was no way that I would lie to you. But neither did I ever wish for things to be this way.
I wanted things to be better like it was going to be.
Pained both night and day, there's no stop to this unending nightmare. Things were okay for awhile. Now, it isn't again.
I want so much to turn back the hands; wishing that what is and what isn't wasn't.
So many mistakes, I tried to make amendments. Changed for no one but I wanted to for you. It's so late, and all is left of the bad things I've done. Wish so much that those wouldn't cover for the person I am today.
Pain, heaviness. Wish you knew as much as it pained you; it pierced me just as much. I've really tried this time to be the best I can be, but my past blocked and smeared all that I am today. I wish I could undo so many things. I could if I had the power to. Now the world seems too cruel to you; and it's me to be blamed for. I never wanted those for you. Neither for me.
Even if I could prove, I would, but that's not in my hands to let you know what truly is and isn't.
I could tell you a million words, nothing would heal those. I've had those agony, my pains each night. In my dreams, I'm screaming. In my heart, it's bleeding, but I know you are too.
There's a scar in you, I wish to erase. I wish that things would be better for both of us, than it is today. For everything you have been to me, I'll always know that, no matter what, that you will never change to me.
You loved me with everything you had. I do too, but wrongly. In my knowledge, we both did everything for each other. But for a guy, you were rare to find. A rare diamond; hard to find like a rice among grains of sand. Even of there was someone like you, there's no way you can ever be replaced. People don't get why. They say I'll find someone else, but they don't know how much you mean to me.
You've been the only non-blood tied, that I would lay my life down for. When you hurt, so do I. I fear your death most; or the fact of losing you.
I wish each day for a miracle. Hopes crushed; wonder if there will ever be. I created your fears and extended your hurts; but that was never what I wanted. I wish that I could take them away again. Times have changed, and so have I. Not that love I had for you. All I know, is that I love you more and more each day. Even if it doesn't seem that way, I'll just keep that in my heart.
I only pray, that you'll heal. That you'll be happy. Each time I see you, can't seem to stray my eyes off you. It's like they were made to admire all that you are. I wish to see your real smiles again. Not fear in your eyes or heart. You were the best thing that has ever happened to me. Has been, always will be.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Monday, July 4, 2011
When your gone.
So many times I regret the things I did. Ice on the mountain caps melt and there's no way you can stop.
The pain is too intense to bear. So many things not understood.
Barely able to breathe, the heart is pierced to the deepest part of the soul.
Incurable, there's no way to run any longer. Believed; thinking that this time for the last time, things are going to be right. Too late by a second.
God, if you're alive; if you're listening to me... Do you even care?
Why is everything crumbling at the time I want to make amendments?
It's so painful I feel like I'm suffocating so badly.
I used to think I'll do what I can. Now, I'd do any single thing to get back that one thing I've taken for granted.
Wish you knew what's in my heart.
The best thing that has ever happened to me; is you. No matter how many times I tell you now, you'll never know.
I'm a second to late. Lying on bed each night; tears streaming so hard. I beat my heart so hard knowing that things aren't going to be okay.
Love to others is just another element.
You've been my air. When there's no air, there's no life.
I can look like I'm wide awake but it's as if my heart is dead. It's stopped beating for awhile now.
I left my heart with you; knowing it's never going to come back.
I tried to take my last breath. Cause I keep thinking that there's no meaning left.
My best friend, my heart, my air, the one who patched me for good. Every single thing reminds me of you. There's not one thing that doesn't. I wonder how to ever move on; coz it seems too impossible. I can't let go. I keep holding on.
Rather hurt than feel nothing at all. Rather bleed than to think I never had you.
It's so late, it's past midnight in the clock of life.
I keep wanting to take away my soul.
The only reason I keep living this second is that I'm lying to myself.
I keep giving myself hope. That one day, all the plans we had; will come to past.
There's no other you; and there will never be.
Each day, I get up with the hopes that somehow, our dreams that used to be will come back again. That's the only thing that's keeping my alive; letting me breathe for now.
I wish I was there when you needed me; you've always been for me.
Dear God,
If I had one wish to make right now.
I know you'll know what it is. That's the only thing I'll pray for.
*Streaming in tears; trying to breathe.*
Let me wake up tomorrow to live for another one. God give me the strength to go on.
The pain is too intense to bear. So many things not understood.
Barely able to breathe, the heart is pierced to the deepest part of the soul.
Incurable, there's no way to run any longer. Believed; thinking that this time for the last time, things are going to be right. Too late by a second.
God, if you're alive; if you're listening to me... Do you even care?
Why is everything crumbling at the time I want to make amendments?
It's so painful I feel like I'm suffocating so badly.
I used to think I'll do what I can. Now, I'd do any single thing to get back that one thing I've taken for granted.
Wish you knew what's in my heart.
The best thing that has ever happened to me; is you. No matter how many times I tell you now, you'll never know.
I'm a second to late. Lying on bed each night; tears streaming so hard. I beat my heart so hard knowing that things aren't going to be okay.
Love to others is just another element.
You've been my air. When there's no air, there's no life.
I can look like I'm wide awake but it's as if my heart is dead. It's stopped beating for awhile now.
I left my heart with you; knowing it's never going to come back.
I tried to take my last breath. Cause I keep thinking that there's no meaning left.
My best friend, my heart, my air, the one who patched me for good. Every single thing reminds me of you. There's not one thing that doesn't. I wonder how to ever move on; coz it seems too impossible. I can't let go. I keep holding on.
Rather hurt than feel nothing at all. Rather bleed than to think I never had you.
It's so late, it's past midnight in the clock of life.
I keep wanting to take away my soul.
The only reason I keep living this second is that I'm lying to myself.
I keep giving myself hope. That one day, all the plans we had; will come to past.
There's no other you; and there will never be.
Each day, I get up with the hopes that somehow, our dreams that used to be will come back again. That's the only thing that's keeping my alive; letting me breathe for now.
I wish I was there when you needed me; you've always been for me.
Dear God,
If I had one wish to make right now.
I know you'll know what it is. That's the only thing I'll pray for.
*Streaming in tears; trying to breathe.*
Let me wake up tomorrow to live for another one. God give me the strength to go on.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Love of Friendship
It's been long since I last felt like this.
I guess hardships come and go. Well, it has both its good and bad.
Sore as ice, numb and hard. Wonder what happens next.
I've always thought that I'm fighting this nightmare alone. That's cause I did before. I was alone.
But now, I thank God for these hard moments. It is that, that opens my eyes to bigger perspectives, colors and things I've never seen before.
Behind every person lies motivation. In my case, my motivation comes from others; and I'm proud to call you pals my good friends.
There are those who are fools, but I'm glad to know that at least, I'm not alone.
Even as I tear up, you guys made it possible for me to see brighter things in this world.
It's been so long since I last realized that everyone surrounding me, really care that much. Really great to know that despite ups and downs, there'll always be a stronger pillar to fall back on; that's the love of friendship.
I've never seen any much more of the concern and encouragement that you guys have shown towards me. That's another bonus why I'm not welling up in tears as much as I should be.
There's so much more that you guys have brought up in me. Right now, this feeling combats every other depression or sadness. I know in life we laugh and cry; but because of all of you, my percentage of happiness has probably increased more. Even as I look into the state I'm supposed to be in, you all make me stronger and optimistic with a reason to look forward to.
Care from people is worth carrying you a million miles of journey in life.
Candles are lit by gentle fires; yes, you all are the reason I can still burn up til now.
I'll look back and remember that this incident opened my eyes into realizing that I have more than what I thought I had.
I can lack others, but I know now, that I have great friends, sisters and people who care about me to push on.
I can keep going on, but I guess that's from me for now. Appreciate you guys a mill!
xoxo. ~Signing off with love. Fi.
I guess hardships come and go. Well, it has both its good and bad.
Sore as ice, numb and hard. Wonder what happens next.
I've always thought that I'm fighting this nightmare alone. That's cause I did before. I was alone.
But now, I thank God for these hard moments. It is that, that opens my eyes to bigger perspectives, colors and things I've never seen before.
Behind every person lies motivation. In my case, my motivation comes from others; and I'm proud to call you pals my good friends.
There are those who are fools, but I'm glad to know that at least, I'm not alone.
Even as I tear up, you guys made it possible for me to see brighter things in this world.
It's been so long since I last realized that everyone surrounding me, really care that much. Really great to know that despite ups and downs, there'll always be a stronger pillar to fall back on; that's the love of friendship.
I've never seen any much more of the concern and encouragement that you guys have shown towards me. That's another bonus why I'm not welling up in tears as much as I should be.
There's so much more that you guys have brought up in me. Right now, this feeling combats every other depression or sadness. I know in life we laugh and cry; but because of all of you, my percentage of happiness has probably increased more. Even as I look into the state I'm supposed to be in, you all make me stronger and optimistic with a reason to look forward to.
Care from people is worth carrying you a million miles of journey in life.
Candles are lit by gentle fires; yes, you all are the reason I can still burn up til now.
I'll look back and remember that this incident opened my eyes into realizing that I have more than what I thought I had.
I can lack others, but I know now, that I have great friends, sisters and people who care about me to push on.
I can keep going on, but I guess that's from me for now. Appreciate you guys a mill!
xoxo. ~Signing off with love. Fi.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
A little note to God.
'I trust in the Lord and lean not on my own understanding. For when I acknowledge you, you'll make my paths straight.'
Dear God,
I'm quite sure that you're aware of my panic state now. There's so many things on my mind.
My heart's rate is accelerating twice as fast as usual. My hands getting chilled, my body slightly jittery. I wonder if these are symptoms of fear in accepting the future or perhaps anxiety.
So many expectations; and I'm shouldering the worries that I shouldn't. I wonder if I'll sleep tonight. I wonder what tomorrow will be.
At moments like this, I'm so afraid. Afraid of what the truth may be. Anxious of what everything would turn out to be.
The past week has en-forged a sense of doubt and fear. For those that hath been of believes were let down. All things may fail me. But the one person whom I know shall never fail me, will be you,God.
Dear God,
I wonder if you know that I'm glad to be born a Christian. Without you, my life would have probably ended a long time ago. They say that gods can't give you answers. And that you have to help yourself in order for God to help you. However, I'm glad that you have always loved me even when I doubted you. You gave me the one gift I could never earn that's love, and your grace.
Even as I ponder upon the promises you've given me in my life, I know you have a plan and purpose for me. Despite all those trials, I'm stronger because you've guided and delivered me.
As I awake tomorrow, I shall believe in your promises. Faith and grace are always tied together as a whole package. Thus, I shall believe hard and receive your favor upon my results, relationships and future.
Dear God,
I wonder when things will fall into place. When to get the right one, where to go and what to do.
Somehow, I know deep within that life has moulded me; making me have even more faith in you. Life is a wonder. So complicated; yet, ever revolving. Yet, putting you as the center of my life will make things smoother and beautiful in its time.
Humans are never perfect. That's why we're not angels. And again, even though there's been a screw up, Your grace has made me realise that a second chance of trust is never impossible.
I'm believing for my miracle.
Dear God,
I'm quite sure that you're aware of my panic state now. There's so many things on my mind.
My heart's rate is accelerating twice as fast as usual. My hands getting chilled, my body slightly jittery. I wonder if these are symptoms of fear in accepting the future or perhaps anxiety.
So many expectations; and I'm shouldering the worries that I shouldn't. I wonder if I'll sleep tonight. I wonder what tomorrow will be.
At moments like this, I'm so afraid. Afraid of what the truth may be. Anxious of what everything would turn out to be.
The past week has en-forged a sense of doubt and fear. For those that hath been of believes were let down. All things may fail me. But the one person whom I know shall never fail me, will be you,God.
Dear God,
I wonder if you know that I'm glad to be born a Christian. Without you, my life would have probably ended a long time ago. They say that gods can't give you answers. And that you have to help yourself in order for God to help you. However, I'm glad that you have always loved me even when I doubted you. You gave me the one gift I could never earn that's love, and your grace.
Even as I ponder upon the promises you've given me in my life, I know you have a plan and purpose for me. Despite all those trials, I'm stronger because you've guided and delivered me.
As I awake tomorrow, I shall believe in your promises. Faith and grace are always tied together as a whole package. Thus, I shall believe hard and receive your favor upon my results, relationships and future.
Dear God,
I wonder when things will fall into place. When to get the right one, where to go and what to do.
Somehow, I know deep within that life has moulded me; making me have even more faith in you. Life is a wonder. So complicated; yet, ever revolving. Yet, putting you as the center of my life will make things smoother and beautiful in its time.
Humans are never perfect. That's why we're not angels. And again, even though there's been a screw up, Your grace has made me realise that a second chance of trust is never impossible.
I'm believing for my miracle.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
My New Twenty
Dear 2011,
Sorry for the late update. Just hardly had the strength or time to get inspired for the blog.. (Actually more of the eye stamina=SLEEP)
So anyways, I'll summarise what's been going on for the past whole month.
1st week~
Just begun work and I'm loving my job. I'm not used to work cause there's a lot of standing and my feet are as sore as ever. In fact, Flanil has been my bestie for the past week in easing my pain. Getting used to work isn't as easy as I thought it would be; from eating out, take outs to having to know things without being taught. Seriously, I was as blurr as ever! I bet most of my colleagues would think I'm some blurr person with no street smart brains. er
Oh and I forgot to mention that there's an awesome shih tzu that greets me practically all the time. I loved her since day one I met her.
On that very day, I met my first friend there as well... Mr.Alex
So if I were to thank anyone for educating me how to pack fishiess, its Alex. Speaking of which, I did forget to mention that on day one, I exploded the plastic when I was amaturely packing water and everyone around stared at me as if I was a fool or something. LOL
Week 2~
I haven't any mate for lunch since Alex decided to abandon me for Uni. (Jus kidding Alex)
Instead, I hung out more with my hon, OIC. Since this week, I can't ever imagine what it would be like once she leaves; which I don't quite look forward to.
This week, there's a dinner and everyone's looking forward to it. Clothes planning, table planning and so many more things. I think no matter where you go, girls will always be girls. They embrace fashion, hair and jewelleries even if the world was going to end today.
Dinner is on thursday which means we're off early. Yoohooo!!
I've been looking forward to it all week and yes, I had an awesome time! Some new experiences and oh...did I mention that I had a coursage tied on my hand? It was some sort like our company's mini prom. I'm crapping quite a lot here. Alex got back and I think he was our VVVVIP! Apparently, he's still not embarrassed of that. Haha.
This week was much better than the first but I still needed foot aid alot!
It ended with my friend leaving AGAIN.
Week 3~
It's boring on some of the days; bright and sunny on the rest of them.
I started to imagine having lunches alone and having different breaks with my darling cause of the change in timetable.
Mostly, I decided that books would be my best mate from then.
The good thing is, I started getting to talk a lot with SC.
Also after the past two weeks, I realise that customers come in all shapes and sizes. I realised too that lovers vary from the sweetest in everyway despite their backgrounds.
I noticed most people date in our workplace or take leisure walks around for no reason.
I realised that some customers were dangerous and merely approached me for my number.. THIS WAS CREEPY!! Believe me!
Besides that, I noticed how much I lack the general knowledge of machines or motorised accessories. I tend to escape or take a different turn when I see customers approaching products such as pumps, lightings and all. I prefer packing fishes instead to be on the safe side; since I don't explode plastic bags anymore.
I love staring at marine fishes when I'm bored. Their fins and gentleness in nature amuses me. And at many times, I still marvel and the wonders of every detail that God has created them in.
From the beautiful colours on their fins to the sea anemones.
One more thing, I never knew that fishes do war as well.
Week 4~
That's the current week I'm in.
So far, this week ticked a little slower due to the decrease in number of customers. Things are running not too expectedly and yeah, I still need a lot of sleep.
I'm still trying to figure out stuff slowly. Thank God for the past few weeks cause I got to widen my options. I had other people's opinion on what I should prepare for in future in terms of education wise. I still get nightmares about STPM results which will be due soon.
Did I forget to mention that I flooded M floor for carelessly changing the water using double hose. Or perhaps I got a littler moody and distracted.
Today's sales weren't bad. I'm wishing that I had a dog everyday and that things would work out the way I want it to. Oh and not to mention, Alex just got back. And his planning to leave again as usual.
Most importantly, I just got my new year clothes and I swear, I'll never do last minute shopping ever again!
I want a dress but I haven't got one for new year this time. I guess I'll just wait til I get my pay or something.
So that's for this few weeks so far. Enjoy and pray that I still live.
As always, much love~
Signing off~ Fi
xoxo
Sorry for the late update. Just hardly had the strength or time to get inspired for the blog.. (Actually more of the eye stamina=SLEEP)
So anyways, I'll summarise what's been going on for the past whole month.
1st week~
Just begun work and I'm loving my job. I'm not used to work cause there's a lot of standing and my feet are as sore as ever. In fact, Flanil has been my bestie for the past week in easing my pain. Getting used to work isn't as easy as I thought it would be; from eating out, take outs to having to know things without being taught. Seriously, I was as blurr as ever! I bet most of my colleagues would think I'm some blurr person with no street smart brains. er
Oh and I forgot to mention that there's an awesome shih tzu that greets me practically all the time. I loved her since day one I met her.
On that very day, I met my first friend there as well... Mr.Alex
So if I were to thank anyone for educating me how to pack fishiess, its Alex. Speaking of which, I did forget to mention that on day one, I exploded the plastic when I was amaturely packing water and everyone around stared at me as if I was a fool or something. LOL
Week 2~
I haven't any mate for lunch since Alex decided to abandon me for Uni. (Jus kidding Alex)
Instead, I hung out more with my hon, OIC. Since this week, I can't ever imagine what it would be like once she leaves; which I don't quite look forward to.
This week, there's a dinner and everyone's looking forward to it. Clothes planning, table planning and so many more things. I think no matter where you go, girls will always be girls. They embrace fashion, hair and jewelleries even if the world was going to end today.
Dinner is on thursday which means we're off early. Yoohooo!!
I've been looking forward to it all week and yes, I had an awesome time! Some new experiences and oh...did I mention that I had a coursage tied on my hand? It was some sort like our company's mini prom. I'm crapping quite a lot here. Alex got back and I think he was our VVVVIP! Apparently, he's still not embarrassed of that. Haha.
This week was much better than the first but I still needed foot aid alot!
It ended with my friend leaving AGAIN.
Week 3~
It's boring on some of the days; bright and sunny on the rest of them.
I started to imagine having lunches alone and having different breaks with my darling cause of the change in timetable.
Mostly, I decided that books would be my best mate from then.
The good thing is, I started getting to talk a lot with SC.
Also after the past two weeks, I realise that customers come in all shapes and sizes. I realised too that lovers vary from the sweetest in everyway despite their backgrounds.
I noticed most people date in our workplace or take leisure walks around for no reason.
I realised that some customers were dangerous and merely approached me for my number.. THIS WAS CREEPY!! Believe me!
Besides that, I noticed how much I lack the general knowledge of machines or motorised accessories. I tend to escape or take a different turn when I see customers approaching products such as pumps, lightings and all. I prefer packing fishes instead to be on the safe side; since I don't explode plastic bags anymore.
I love staring at marine fishes when I'm bored. Their fins and gentleness in nature amuses me. And at many times, I still marvel and the wonders of every detail that God has created them in.
From the beautiful colours on their fins to the sea anemones.
One more thing, I never knew that fishes do war as well.
Week 4~
That's the current week I'm in.
So far, this week ticked a little slower due to the decrease in number of customers. Things are running not too expectedly and yeah, I still need a lot of sleep.
I'm still trying to figure out stuff slowly. Thank God for the past few weeks cause I got to widen my options. I had other people's opinion on what I should prepare for in future in terms of education wise. I still get nightmares about STPM results which will be due soon.
Did I forget to mention that I flooded M floor for carelessly changing the water using double hose. Or perhaps I got a littler moody and distracted.
Today's sales weren't bad. I'm wishing that I had a dog everyday and that things would work out the way I want it to. Oh and not to mention, Alex just got back. And his planning to leave again as usual.
Most importantly, I just got my new year clothes and I swear, I'll never do last minute shopping ever again!
I want a dress but I haven't got one for new year this time. I guess I'll just wait til I get my pay or something.
So that's for this few weeks so far. Enjoy and pray that I still live.
As always, much love~
Signing off~ Fi
xoxo
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
2010
Dear 2010,
You're almost coming to an end. I wonder if you know how much readjustments you've done to me this year. You made me believe, yet; you made me laugh.
Times of which you made me lose hope, I'd be thinking and wishing for a do-over.
You chose this year to be one of the hardest; packaged with the worst exams I've ever sat for so far.
Somehow, you made me realise those who are my real friends and also unveiled my eyes to the one's who aren't. Due to this very reason, you made me careful of whom I should believe in. I wonder if you're happy to know that this will cause me to doubt a person more than ever. Wonder if I'll find another true friend or learn to trust full-heartedly.
2010,
I gained and lost friends along the way. I became both hard and soft in the inside simultaneously. I'm still confused to know if resolving matters results in crying or laughing. I have learnt that you can't attempt the things you don't love.
Life is about being bold, courageous and persevering no matter how hard it is.
Love comes most when it is unexpected. You may think that you don't love someone but it only shows through distance, sadness and jealousy.
Love isn't kind, its really not what's on your mind. It's more about what your heart whispers.
Lesson three, most of the time, darkness comes when you're on your own. You gotta learn how to stand on your own and depend most on God. There's no way out and challenges stands at every corner of your life. There's no such thing as different types of people in different places; because everyone is the same.
Fourth, success is not measured by level of victory; but how many hurdles you have overcomed. Being outspoken is not yelling or being rude, but speaking out your heart in a rational method.
Once again, writing still eases the soul of one when one is down. Its always alright to break down when you need to. Sleep it over and forget the past. Look forward to everyday no matter how dark it seems to be.
Dear 2010, you have made me realise that the future is new when you learn from your mistakes. I know now that the key to moving on is learning, forgiving and forging a new road. It's not succumbing to the past or letting the past reoccur. Taking a new road can mean leaving your painful habits behind.
Also, a guy doesn't always have to be your boyfriend. Guys can be good friends too. People can talk but you don't always have to listen to them. One thing to be sure that of course, you have to know that what you're doing is right.
If an advice is important, heed it. Listen, and try your best no matter how much it takes for a change.
2010, you were one screw up of a year. But if it weren't for you, I'll not have discovered the other half of myself. You make me treasure the precious values of life.
To 2011, I don't wanna make any promises; but I look forward to change. I look forward to a broad future. As night comes before morning, and winter before spring; I close my eyes now to a bright day tomorrow cause the frost is almost melting; and I can see the light coming.
You're almost coming to an end. I wonder if you know how much readjustments you've done to me this year. You made me believe, yet; you made me laugh.
Times of which you made me lose hope, I'd be thinking and wishing for a do-over.
You chose this year to be one of the hardest; packaged with the worst exams I've ever sat for so far.
Somehow, you made me realise those who are my real friends and also unveiled my eyes to the one's who aren't. Due to this very reason, you made me careful of whom I should believe in. I wonder if you're happy to know that this will cause me to doubt a person more than ever. Wonder if I'll find another true friend or learn to trust full-heartedly.
2010,
I gained and lost friends along the way. I became both hard and soft in the inside simultaneously. I'm still confused to know if resolving matters results in crying or laughing. I have learnt that you can't attempt the things you don't love.
Life is about being bold, courageous and persevering no matter how hard it is.
Love comes most when it is unexpected. You may think that you don't love someone but it only shows through distance, sadness and jealousy.
Love isn't kind, its really not what's on your mind. It's more about what your heart whispers.
Lesson three, most of the time, darkness comes when you're on your own. You gotta learn how to stand on your own and depend most on God. There's no way out and challenges stands at every corner of your life. There's no such thing as different types of people in different places; because everyone is the same.
Fourth, success is not measured by level of victory; but how many hurdles you have overcomed. Being outspoken is not yelling or being rude, but speaking out your heart in a rational method.
Once again, writing still eases the soul of one when one is down. Its always alright to break down when you need to. Sleep it over and forget the past. Look forward to everyday no matter how dark it seems to be.
Dear 2010, you have made me realise that the future is new when you learn from your mistakes. I know now that the key to moving on is learning, forgiving and forging a new road. It's not succumbing to the past or letting the past reoccur. Taking a new road can mean leaving your painful habits behind.
Also, a guy doesn't always have to be your boyfriend. Guys can be good friends too. People can talk but you don't always have to listen to them. One thing to be sure that of course, you have to know that what you're doing is right.
If an advice is important, heed it. Listen, and try your best no matter how much it takes for a change.
2010, you were one screw up of a year. But if it weren't for you, I'll not have discovered the other half of myself. You make me treasure the precious values of life.
To 2011, I don't wanna make any promises; but I look forward to change. I look forward to a broad future. As night comes before morning, and winter before spring; I close my eyes now to a bright day tomorrow cause the frost is almost melting; and I can see the light coming.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Heard
Do you feel like there's no one listening to you at times? Or like you're almost alone probably cause it's something you can't ask; or something that can't be answered.
I've been asking myself a lot of things for the past couple of months. Why this? Why that? Sometimes, I even ask, God, are you even listening? Or have you just turned silent all of a sudden??
My anger rushes at times til I burst out with streams of tears; thinking there's no way of escape. Like this has been the worst part of my life; not exactly but almost. Things get worst at times and I run heading nowhere. It's like an endless journey with no road signs and everything seems more than anonymous.
Through these times, when I thought no one heard me; I know that God did. I keep doubting Him cause I never understood the plans He has for me. Remember when I said God was silent? He isn't. He just waits to speak at the right time in a unique way to every individual. A good parent loves their child and would never throw anything bad at them. I know that now, and I don't wanna give up.
Faith is my name. On that, was I born. It's so impossible to believe of the plans He has installed for me because I see the view as it is. But God views from the top; an overall view.
As far as I know, I have a reason to look forward to. I may not know what is next, but even if something is intended for the worst, God will turn it to be for the best. To melt our hearts so that we can leap into the change of season.
There's a time when we cry and undergo pain, but there's something beautiful. Most importantly, when you feel like crying, know that there's God. He listens. In fact, His the best listener and He'll open a door for you at the right season at the right time. I did doubt, but I want to have that childlike faith once again.
I don't know the future but God holds it perfectly. I have a tingle that something good is coming. All I have to do now is leap to my Father and trust in Him.
Believe. Faith. Enter the new season.
I've been asking myself a lot of things for the past couple of months. Why this? Why that? Sometimes, I even ask, God, are you even listening? Or have you just turned silent all of a sudden??
My anger rushes at times til I burst out with streams of tears; thinking there's no way of escape. Like this has been the worst part of my life; not exactly but almost. Things get worst at times and I run heading nowhere. It's like an endless journey with no road signs and everything seems more than anonymous.
Through these times, when I thought no one heard me; I know that God did. I keep doubting Him cause I never understood the plans He has for me. Remember when I said God was silent? He isn't. He just waits to speak at the right time in a unique way to every individual. A good parent loves their child and would never throw anything bad at them. I know that now, and I don't wanna give up.
Faith is my name. On that, was I born. It's so impossible to believe of the plans He has installed for me because I see the view as it is. But God views from the top; an overall view.
As far as I know, I have a reason to look forward to. I may not know what is next, but even if something is intended for the worst, God will turn it to be for the best. To melt our hearts so that we can leap into the change of season.
There's a time when we cry and undergo pain, but there's something beautiful. Most importantly, when you feel like crying, know that there's God. He listens. In fact, His the best listener and He'll open a door for you at the right season at the right time. I did doubt, but I want to have that childlike faith once again.
I don't know the future but God holds it perfectly. I have a tingle that something good is coming. All I have to do now is leap to my Father and trust in Him.
Believe. Faith. Enter the new season.
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