Holding on and letting go

The days pass, things are supposedly getting easier. I just wonder why its not that way for me.

Why am I holding on to something I know isn't gonna be? It's almost like I want this dream to go on. Somehow, it's not. People keep splashing cold water unto my face; waking me up from the one thing is no more reality.

I've been trying to move on each day; but sometimes, things aren't like they used to be.

Why can't one see the changes you have made and acknowledge it? Why is the past always haunting and blocking the present? Why is warmth overshadowed now by meer cold ice?

There's no more path; it's a dead end. You said so yourself. Wish I knew where to go. What if I can't be what I used to be? What if, I'm not me anymore?

It's like I've lost my soul somewhere and it's nowhere near myself.

Each day, I tell myself not to cry any longer. I'm trying to be strong; to get up and look for a better tomorrow.

I'm not that person you used to see me a few years ago. Time has changed me too, to become a better person. I'm definitely not perfect, but I've really given my best shot.
I used to act like a girl, but I'll be twenty in a couple of months. I'm growing out and trying to be a fine lady; but I guess, not everyone sees that.

I haven't known of anyone as perfect, but I do know, that I've tried. No one is on this world. I know the world can't be seen from just our perspectives. Maybe I was wrong. I admit that I was. But maybe, I did try to alter the bad part of myself. I did try to make compensations and be a somebody.

Yes, I cry each day. I tell myself of how I should have been this way last time instead of just starting now. It's difficult to find the strength to move ahead. It's hard to believe that now, things have to start new. So hard to find the will.
However, each day, I try to think that there's a better tomorrow.

Who doesn't fear being alone? I know I do. But I'm afraid for bigger realities in future. What if things don't turn out as I want them to be? What if I cry again? What if you're okay, but I'm not?

I kept wanting to hold on. But the more I do, the worst things get. I know now, I have to let go. It's painful, and I wonder if I can make it.

So hard to breathe, yet, I have to find the will to get up again. I'm trying not to drown in the past.
Maybe, perhaps maybe, this is a time for me, to start living for myself. I'm being the best I can be. Someday, you'll see; someday, you'll understand.

Someday, I'll be that better person that no one thought I could be. I may have screwed up, but I'm taking life as a lesson each day. As you draw further away from the world, I'm stepping into it. I know how cruel life is, but I'm not gonna withdraw even if it hurts. Like a dog, we need to clean our wounds til they heal; but I'm gonna be the one to get up.

Life can knock my down to my feet, but I'm gonna fight til the end. I'm afraid but faith and courage is what I need. I can't promise that I'll forget not stop crying. But I can promise that I have God, and that I'm gonna try to depend on Him.

If you could see me for who I am today, and not who I was yesterday. People change, but I'm changing for the better. My past is my past. But my future has just begun, and that's who I am trying to be now.