Pain

It's back to square one; the place I don't want to be in.

This wasn't where I wanted things to end up being.

This isn't the think I wanted you to have in mind.

This wasn't anything I ever wanted.

Being the truth, there was no way that I would lie to you. But neither did I ever wish for things to be this way.

I wanted things to be better like it was going to be.

Pained both night and day, there's no stop to this unending nightmare. Things were okay for awhile. Now, it isn't again.
I want so much to turn back the hands; wishing that what is and what isn't wasn't.
So many mistakes, I tried to make amendments. Changed for no one but I wanted to for you. It's so late, and all is left of the bad things I've done. Wish so much that those wouldn't cover for the person I am today.
Pain, heaviness. Wish you knew as much as it pained you; it pierced me just as much. I've really tried this time to be the best I can be, but my past blocked and smeared all that I am today. I wish I could undo so many things. I could if I had the power to. Now the world seems too cruel to you; and it's me to be blamed for. I never wanted those for you. Neither for me.
Even if I could prove, I would, but that's not in my hands to let you know what truly is and isn't.

I could tell you a million words, nothing would heal those. I've had those agony, my pains each night. In my dreams, I'm screaming. In my heart, it's bleeding, but I know you are too.

There's a scar in you, I wish to erase. I wish that things would be better for both of us, than it is today. For everything you have been to me, I'll always know that, no matter what, that you will never change to me.
You loved me with everything you had. I do too, but wrongly. In my knowledge, we both did everything for each other. But for a guy, you were rare to find. A rare diamond; hard to find like a rice among grains of sand. Even of there was someone like you, there's no way you can ever be replaced. People don't get why. They say I'll find someone else, but they don't know how much you mean to me.

You've been the only non-blood tied, that I would lay my life down for. When you hurt, so do I. I fear your death most; or the fact of losing you.

I wish each day for a miracle. Hopes crushed; wonder if there will ever be. I created your fears and extended your hurts; but that was never what I wanted. I wish that I could take them away again. Times have changed, and so have I. Not that love I had for you. All I know, is that I love you more and more each day. Even if it doesn't seem that way, I'll just keep that in my heart.

I only pray, that you'll heal. That you'll be happy. Each time I see you, can't seem to stray my eyes off you. It's like they were made to admire all that you are. I wish to see your real smiles again. Not fear in your eyes or heart. You were the best thing that has ever happened to me. Has been, always will be.