Dear 2010,
You're almost coming to an end. I wonder if you know how much readjustments you've done to me this year. You made me believe, yet; you made me laugh.
Times of which you made me lose hope, I'd be thinking and wishing for a do-over.
You chose this year to be one of the hardest; packaged with the worst exams I've ever sat for so far.
Somehow, you made me realise those who are my real friends and also unveiled my eyes to the one's who aren't. Due to this very reason, you made me careful of whom I should believe in. I wonder if you're happy to know that this will cause me to doubt a person more than ever. Wonder if I'll find another true friend or learn to trust full-heartedly.
2010,
I gained and lost friends along the way. I became both hard and soft in the inside simultaneously. I'm still confused to know if resolving matters results in crying or laughing. I have learnt that you can't attempt the things you don't love.
Life is about being bold, courageous and persevering no matter how hard it is.
Love comes most when it is unexpected. You may think that you don't love someone but it only shows through distance, sadness and jealousy.
Love isn't kind, its really not what's on your mind. It's more about what your heart whispers.
Lesson three, most of the time, darkness comes when you're on your own. You gotta learn how to stand on your own and depend most on God. There's no way out and challenges stands at every corner of your life. There's no such thing as different types of people in different places; because everyone is the same.
Fourth, success is not measured by level of victory; but how many hurdles you have overcomed. Being outspoken is not yelling or being rude, but speaking out your heart in a rational method.
Once again, writing still eases the soul of one when one is down. Its always alright to break down when you need to. Sleep it over and forget the past. Look forward to everyday no matter how dark it seems to be.
Dear 2010, you have made me realise that the future is new when you learn from your mistakes. I know now that the key to moving on is learning, forgiving and forging a new road. It's not succumbing to the past or letting the past reoccur. Taking a new road can mean leaving your painful habits behind.
Also, a guy doesn't always have to be your boyfriend. Guys can be good friends too. People can talk but you don't always have to listen to them. One thing to be sure that of course, you have to know that what you're doing is right.
If an advice is important, heed it. Listen, and try your best no matter how much it takes for a change.
2010, you were one screw up of a year. But if it weren't for you, I'll not have discovered the other half of myself. You make me treasure the precious values of life.
To 2011, I don't wanna make any promises; but I look forward to change. I look forward to a broad future. As night comes before morning, and winter before spring; I close my eyes now to a bright day tomorrow cause the frost is almost melting; and I can see the light coming.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Monday, December 6, 2010
Heard
Do you feel like there's no one listening to you at times? Or like you're almost alone probably cause it's something you can't ask; or something that can't be answered.
I've been asking myself a lot of things for the past couple of months. Why this? Why that? Sometimes, I even ask, God, are you even listening? Or have you just turned silent all of a sudden??
My anger rushes at times til I burst out with streams of tears; thinking there's no way of escape. Like this has been the worst part of my life; not exactly but almost. Things get worst at times and I run heading nowhere. It's like an endless journey with no road signs and everything seems more than anonymous.
Through these times, when I thought no one heard me; I know that God did. I keep doubting Him cause I never understood the plans He has for me. Remember when I said God was silent? He isn't. He just waits to speak at the right time in a unique way to every individual. A good parent loves their child and would never throw anything bad at them. I know that now, and I don't wanna give up.
Faith is my name. On that, was I born. It's so impossible to believe of the plans He has installed for me because I see the view as it is. But God views from the top; an overall view.
As far as I know, I have a reason to look forward to. I may not know what is next, but even if something is intended for the worst, God will turn it to be for the best. To melt our hearts so that we can leap into the change of season.
There's a time when we cry and undergo pain, but there's something beautiful. Most importantly, when you feel like crying, know that there's God. He listens. In fact, His the best listener and He'll open a door for you at the right season at the right time. I did doubt, but I want to have that childlike faith once again.
I don't know the future but God holds it perfectly. I have a tingle that something good is coming. All I have to do now is leap to my Father and trust in Him.
Believe. Faith. Enter the new season.
I've been asking myself a lot of things for the past couple of months. Why this? Why that? Sometimes, I even ask, God, are you even listening? Or have you just turned silent all of a sudden??
My anger rushes at times til I burst out with streams of tears; thinking there's no way of escape. Like this has been the worst part of my life; not exactly but almost. Things get worst at times and I run heading nowhere. It's like an endless journey with no road signs and everything seems more than anonymous.
Through these times, when I thought no one heard me; I know that God did. I keep doubting Him cause I never understood the plans He has for me. Remember when I said God was silent? He isn't. He just waits to speak at the right time in a unique way to every individual. A good parent loves their child and would never throw anything bad at them. I know that now, and I don't wanna give up.
Faith is my name. On that, was I born. It's so impossible to believe of the plans He has installed for me because I see the view as it is. But God views from the top; an overall view.
As far as I know, I have a reason to look forward to. I may not know what is next, but even if something is intended for the worst, God will turn it to be for the best. To melt our hearts so that we can leap into the change of season.
There's a time when we cry and undergo pain, but there's something beautiful. Most importantly, when you feel like crying, know that there's God. He listens. In fact, His the best listener and He'll open a door for you at the right season at the right time. I did doubt, but I want to have that childlike faith once again.
I don't know the future but God holds it perfectly. I have a tingle that something good is coming. All I have to do now is leap to my Father and trust in Him.
Believe. Faith. Enter the new season.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
A Special Sisterhood in Friendship
First things first, don't get me wrong; I totally love my sister the most...
I'm talking about a special bond also known as sisterhood but in friendship. It means that someone's like your sister, except that you guys aren't blood tied. But she's more than a friend.
I never knew I'd say this but yes, I think I've finally found my sisterhood after years. They say that friends fight, they cry, and laugh together. Here's one thing you never knew; or perhaps you already do... That most of the times, they may be the ones who knows you best and sometimes, we should already know who would tell us the truth.
Five years ago, at our first gym meet for the year, a girl stepped in. Man, what scared us all was her freaking flexibility! And never did it cross my mind that Ms. Flexible would be my bestie. She still is.. Until now :)
Schooling was hard now and then but the funniest thing is, we ended up working together for somewhat reason I don't know in our first gym competition. She got the music, we planned our routines together. I can't quite remember much but I do recall us snacking in the gym. Sleeping on the mattresses to chill out, then Pn.P (she thinks she owns the gym); would start all about how the gym is meant for exercising and not lazing around. Some weird teacher who can't even do gym, I might add.
I still remember once Mr Ang even mistaken both of us for being sisters. Most people thought we were when we hung out together.
The times which touched me most were the moments when we laughed alot. Reen would get me scrunchies and help me with my hair during competitions. We even planned our competition outfits! Those times were seriously awesome. She helped me out when I lost touch with my beam work, an I still really owe her much of my thanks. :)
Through out these five years, we had our rough patch too. But I guess, we both missed each other. (I didn't think I'll miss a friend any much more than I actually did). It was silent for awhile. Gosh, we both didn't even realise how much we both miss our friendship; chatting together, talking and gossiping for all I remember. Those strengthenings we did together and motivated ourselves despite pure torture.
Some friends are made to be with you through thick and thin. I think I've found mine. Doesn't matter what people think or say. My gym buddy, and bestie; a sisterhood that I've obtained from friendship.
A cloud forms before rain,
A rainbow after a heavy storm,
It seems dark at first,
But then, light is what sparks,
What's more than a friend,
Than the ones that stand by you?
Flowers stand together,
They die as one as well.
Dedicated to Reen.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Reminiscence in SGGS
Just a couple of days ago, I flicked through some magazines. SGGS Prime 2007.SGGS Prime 2008.
I turned on the computer and reviewed our special night in June 2008. Those pretty gowns, those lovely smiles. Some old friends that reminded me of the warmth, those moments how all of us met innocently. How those moments we'd taken for granted during then. We learnt together, bonded during classes. I remember how we used to mimic teacher's behaviours. How we used to plan our outfits for prom and those awesome times we had together. I recall us even having Prom meetings that time! :) That was really something.
Being in high school has taught me so many things. It brought forth responsibility in me. SGGS is where we grew up in. We had projects together which made life tedious but yet; an enjoyable yet hectic time. Many times, we've fallen but our friendships stand strong. Being in SGGS taught me to forgive, to learn, to be open and love.
Friends have educated me so much. From practising to competing, to even planning together knitted us even closer. I understand now what I hadn't many years ago. When we took our first step into SGGS, what a marvel at the achievements our seniors set for us. We were small, and had so much to learn. Now that time has passed, I realised that not only have we cultivated wisdom, courage but also sisterhood that would never die.
Internally, each of us have a bond that we'll never forget from being impaired in the process of growing. We saw each other's weaknesses, but we gave each other room to progress. Sometimes, it is not the bitter moments that stays but the good that retains in our hearts. I wonder how many Georgians out reminiscence those moments every now and then.
I miss you gurls. Its true when they say red is courage. Bravery. Every Georgian is unique, talented. The all-in-one package. I would definitely agree when teachers used to quote this... Cause its so true! Georgians are pure beauty with brains.
Georgian babe..Signing off *blow kisses*
I turned on the computer and reviewed our special night in June 2008. Those pretty gowns, those lovely smiles. Some old friends that reminded me of the warmth, those moments how all of us met innocently. How those moments we'd taken for granted during then. We learnt together, bonded during classes. I remember how we used to mimic teacher's behaviours. How we used to plan our outfits for prom and those awesome times we had together. I recall us even having Prom meetings that time! :) That was really something.
Being in high school has taught me so many things. It brought forth responsibility in me. SGGS is where we grew up in. We had projects together which made life tedious but yet; an enjoyable yet hectic time. Many times, we've fallen but our friendships stand strong. Being in SGGS taught me to forgive, to learn, to be open and love.
Friends have educated me so much. From practising to competing, to even planning together knitted us even closer. I understand now what I hadn't many years ago. When we took our first step into SGGS, what a marvel at the achievements our seniors set for us. We were small, and had so much to learn. Now that time has passed, I realised that not only have we cultivated wisdom, courage but also sisterhood that would never die.
Internally, each of us have a bond that we'll never forget from being impaired in the process of growing. We saw each other's weaknesses, but we gave each other room to progress. Sometimes, it is not the bitter moments that stays but the good that retains in our hearts. I wonder how many Georgians out reminiscence those moments every now and then.
I miss you gurls. Its true when they say red is courage. Bravery. Every Georgian is unique, talented. The all-in-one package. I would definitely agree when teachers used to quote this... Cause its so true! Georgians are pure beauty with brains.
Georgian babe..Signing off *blow kisses*
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Rough Edge
Dear Blog,
I can't figure out why this is another difficult passer by for me. It's not the exams that worry me alone this time. The first step I have taken is sweet; you'll somehow end with a bitter departure.
It feels like all over high school again. To wish for a do over, to wish for happiness; everyone wishing for strings of As.
For me, I'm looking forward to Christmas this year. Reason number one, is that STPM will be past over. Mostly, I'm looking forward to a change of environment and a gift this year.
Not a car. Nor an iPhone. My only hope this year is that love, good friendship and a good future will fall along my path.
It's a tough journey and things are wearing me down; physically, mentally, socially and emotionally. Tired of being tied down to books. On top of that, bad tummy pains. What's more?
Undeniable ties you thought would last. I see friends laughing around accompanied. What then about me?
I look the into the mirror and wonder, if there'll be ever another image. One that will support me, to guide and be there for me. I swing in the park. An empty seat beside me. I see a couple nearby in deep support towards each other. Friends getting ones who care about them, even if not guys, then just pure, sweet girlfriends to talk to.
How long more will it take before this moment is over?
My tears keep streaming. I huddle in my bed with wet pillows.
I wish that this is all just a dream.
Why can't someone shake me up and tear me from these hurts or pain?
I wish that when I wake up, all these nightmares will disappear, and someone will catch me in this dark hour.
Dear God, I know your listening. All I wish for this Christmas is for good friends, love and a future. Amen.
I can't figure out why this is another difficult passer by for me. It's not the exams that worry me alone this time. The first step I have taken is sweet; you'll somehow end with a bitter departure.
It feels like all over high school again. To wish for a do over, to wish for happiness; everyone wishing for strings of As.
For me, I'm looking forward to Christmas this year. Reason number one, is that STPM will be past over. Mostly, I'm looking forward to a change of environment and a gift this year.
Not a car. Nor an iPhone. My only hope this year is that love, good friendship and a good future will fall along my path.
It's a tough journey and things are wearing me down; physically, mentally, socially and emotionally. Tired of being tied down to books. On top of that, bad tummy pains. What's more?
Undeniable ties you thought would last. I see friends laughing around accompanied. What then about me?
I look the into the mirror and wonder, if there'll be ever another image. One that will support me, to guide and be there for me. I swing in the park. An empty seat beside me. I see a couple nearby in deep support towards each other. Friends getting ones who care about them, even if not guys, then just pure, sweet girlfriends to talk to.
How long more will it take before this moment is over?
My tears keep streaming. I huddle in my bed with wet pillows.
I wish that this is all just a dream.
Why can't someone shake me up and tear me from these hurts or pain?
I wish that when I wake up, all these nightmares will disappear, and someone will catch me in this dark hour.
Dear God, I know your listening. All I wish for this Christmas is for good friends, love and a future. Amen.
Friday, October 1, 2010
To The Very Last Battle...
Trials were just over about a week ago.
Each waking day is is redirected to fright and the countdown to destiny....
OUR DESTINY....
Its just two months away and I'm not progressing any better than I thought I would. Disappointments after disappointments; I still ask myself each day if I have time to catch up. Time to pick up; or time to relearn the things I should have in my earlier convenience. Why should I look back? I did whatever I could. Just that it wasn't merely enough.
Time is ticking and it feels like the time bomb is almost due. Yet, I'm still like a semi-prepared soldier for battle. Lacking modified armor to withstand darts of fire from the enemies. A wrong hit, and I may land up as..... NOTHING! Worrisome and slight fatigue is eating on my bones.
The look in everyone's eyes. Their gray rings below of that of their eyes which cry anxiety. Hardly a smile puckers over the edge of their lips. Frowns on their temples and nothing more than clenched fingers. It freaks me out more than ever. I've hardly got this amount of pressure to push myself despite falling over and over. I know, its something I'll have to work out.
Somehow, this is my one and only last chance. Last year of schooling means last year of achieving.
Though my stomach cramps with fear, my heart beats countlessly, the strength to pursue still has to stay. Its for myself and the people around me. Prove them wrong. Prove myself that I can take a challenge. I'm not gonna give up now. Not even at the last resort. Its going to be the hardest journey as a youth, but I want to believe in the positive that is bound to happen.
Self-motivation. Determination. Inspiration. Whispers into my ear. Yes, I tell myself. I want to believe but I know, its going to take my more than myself. Something bigger for the impossible. I'll await the supernatural. Cause natural can't save me now. Not by myself, I know you are with me.
Believe. Triumph. And I shall! Don't give up now to my friends out there who are reading this. We're gonna work this together. Hold on tight to the end of this year's journey.
Each waking day is is redirected to fright and the countdown to destiny....
OUR DESTINY....
Its just two months away and I'm not progressing any better than I thought I would. Disappointments after disappointments; I still ask myself each day if I have time to catch up. Time to pick up; or time to relearn the things I should have in my earlier convenience. Why should I look back? I did whatever I could. Just that it wasn't merely enough.
Time is ticking and it feels like the time bomb is almost due. Yet, I'm still like a semi-prepared soldier for battle. Lacking modified armor to withstand darts of fire from the enemies. A wrong hit, and I may land up as..... NOTHING! Worrisome and slight fatigue is eating on my bones.
The look in everyone's eyes. Their gray rings below of that of their eyes which cry anxiety. Hardly a smile puckers over the edge of their lips. Frowns on their temples and nothing more than clenched fingers. It freaks me out more than ever. I've hardly got this amount of pressure to push myself despite falling over and over. I know, its something I'll have to work out.
Somehow, this is my one and only last chance. Last year of schooling means last year of achieving.
Though my stomach cramps with fear, my heart beats countlessly, the strength to pursue still has to stay. Its for myself and the people around me. Prove them wrong. Prove myself that I can take a challenge. I'm not gonna give up now. Not even at the last resort. Its going to be the hardest journey as a youth, but I want to believe in the positive that is bound to happen.
Self-motivation. Determination. Inspiration. Whispers into my ear. Yes, I tell myself. I want to believe but I know, its going to take my more than myself. Something bigger for the impossible. I'll await the supernatural. Cause natural can't save me now. Not by myself, I know you are with me.
Believe. Triumph. And I shall! Don't give up now to my friends out there who are reading this. We're gonna work this together. Hold on tight to the end of this year's journey.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Fighting The Treasures of Life...
What do you do when things are broken?
Throw it? Leave it? Or deal with it?
Until last week, I never realised how much I would do to fix something that's broken. Until it became perfect once again. No matter how many times those letterings from the chain kept falling apart, I deliberately chose to sit for half an hour fiddling and fixing it up. It wasn't the first.
Over and over again I never allowed my belongings to extend its way to be less used. I would fix it. Use pliers til its perfected. Even when my school uniforms were slightly torn, I would sew it back until that gap has closed.
Have you wanted anything so badly, that you'll do almost anything to make sure its perfect?
As far as I know, I'm that person. I keep asking myself why Fi? Why? ...
Its not just merely about fixing things that are broken. It's about how much I want to straighten things out so that in one way or another, fight for its existence.
When something or someone means to you, you'll never let it slip through your fingers. Instead, you'll fight for its right to stay as long as it possibly can. I wonder sometimes if fate decides who or what you become. I mean what if, its supposedly not in the plan of your life. But you chose that path yourself. Its not meant to be yours, and yet, you would snatch it as hard as you can; even if its out of your grasps. If fate determined that you shan't get it and signs around you indicate so, would it not be right to still oppose reality?
If you knew someone was leaving today for good, and you had the chance to stop it, would you? Fate can be fate. But what if, fate is wrong? What if, we can really reach out for what we yearn for? Is it not right to fight for it?
Monday was an incident. Today is not a coincidence.
Class 2010 will be our last year in high school. What is high school without a proper ending? Memories are the only elements we can keep after this. Of friendships, experiences and so many more undescribable things that has mould us into individual selves. Today I made a decision, that is to try. I wonder how many people are on my side to get our night. A night that all of us will never forget. A night to cherish in our memories forever. I'm going to fight for what I believe in. I know that my fellow friends want this too.My hopes are that things will work out and that everyone will steer towards our goal of being united before we leave each other. I love you people who are so awesome.
I'm not stopping until I have no road or options left. After all, these are the treasures we are fighting for...
Fidelia. xoxo
Throw it? Leave it? Or deal with it?
Until last week, I never realised how much I would do to fix something that's broken. Until it became perfect once again. No matter how many times those letterings from the chain kept falling apart, I deliberately chose to sit for half an hour fiddling and fixing it up. It wasn't the first.
Over and over again I never allowed my belongings to extend its way to be less used. I would fix it. Use pliers til its perfected. Even when my school uniforms were slightly torn, I would sew it back until that gap has closed.
Have you wanted anything so badly, that you'll do almost anything to make sure its perfect?
As far as I know, I'm that person. I keep asking myself why Fi? Why? ...
Its not just merely about fixing things that are broken. It's about how much I want to straighten things out so that in one way or another, fight for its existence.
When something or someone means to you, you'll never let it slip through your fingers. Instead, you'll fight for its right to stay as long as it possibly can. I wonder sometimes if fate decides who or what you become. I mean what if, its supposedly not in the plan of your life. But you chose that path yourself. Its not meant to be yours, and yet, you would snatch it as hard as you can; even if its out of your grasps. If fate determined that you shan't get it and signs around you indicate so, would it not be right to still oppose reality?
If you knew someone was leaving today for good, and you had the chance to stop it, would you? Fate can be fate. But what if, fate is wrong? What if, we can really reach out for what we yearn for? Is it not right to fight for it?
Monday was an incident. Today is not a coincidence.
Class 2010 will be our last year in high school. What is high school without a proper ending? Memories are the only elements we can keep after this. Of friendships, experiences and so many more undescribable things that has mould us into individual selves. Today I made a decision, that is to try. I wonder how many people are on my side to get our night. A night that all of us will never forget. A night to cherish in our memories forever. I'm going to fight for what I believe in. I know that my fellow friends want this too.My hopes are that things will work out and that everyone will steer towards our goal of being united before we leave each other. I love you people who are so awesome.
I'm not stopping until I have no road or options left. After all, these are the treasures we are fighting for...
Fidelia. xoxo
Battle between books,and life...
I'm sorry for the delay in my blog update. As you can see, this is the battle between books and life. Thanks to Brian, here's the update. Why does this sound awkward? Hmphh. Never mind.
Lately, I've been pondering over what I'd wanna do rather than focusing on how. A musician perhaps. Or a writer? I have no idea. And I have particularly no idea on how to gear myself into the correct mode.
Class has quietened down. Less chatters, less noise or gossips. More on the sound of flipping pages and pin drop silence. Where has all the noise and cheeriness gone?
Everyone is constantly focused and not easily distracted. I stare at my pages with thoughts of what to do? Why aren't I studying? Why am I just staring??
I still can't determine where I go, but setting goals aren't a crime right? So that's what I decided to do. Since I'm not born an artist, I've decided for now to push myself towards my goals in order to maintain in the science stream. It's difficult. But at least for now, I have something to start my engine running. No more time to start the wheels. We've got to race towards the finish line. Or you'll be left behind.
I slacked back last week due to tension. It's like a partial breakdown. The only thing I keep telling myself is that there's no more time for break downs. Get up and run again. Time to time we remind ourselves when our mind battles the thought of lazing and studying. Hey, I never said I was perfect...
Today, we had an education fair. Looking into the requirements for entry into Uni really made me realise how great the competition is. If I don't get up and fight now, I'll be swept away just like falling into a whirlpool and never coming out of it. This is the Future! And there's no turning back now that I've come this far. I need those As.
Motivation. Speed. Concentration. Understanding. Most importantly..... FOCUS.
The elements to succeed.
I still wonder what's going to happen. People say that you determine the road of your life. I'm doing something about it by starting right now. If your with me, meet me at the finish line.
Cry now in pain and cry for joy later. People say that we are the cause of shaping our roads and future. Do you?
Lately, I've been pondering over what I'd wanna do rather than focusing on how. A musician perhaps. Or a writer? I have no idea. And I have particularly no idea on how to gear myself into the correct mode.
Class has quietened down. Less chatters, less noise or gossips. More on the sound of flipping pages and pin drop silence. Where has all the noise and cheeriness gone?
Everyone is constantly focused and not easily distracted. I stare at my pages with thoughts of what to do? Why aren't I studying? Why am I just staring??
I still can't determine where I go, but setting goals aren't a crime right? So that's what I decided to do. Since I'm not born an artist, I've decided for now to push myself towards my goals in order to maintain in the science stream. It's difficult. But at least for now, I have something to start my engine running. No more time to start the wheels. We've got to race towards the finish line. Or you'll be left behind.
I slacked back last week due to tension. It's like a partial breakdown. The only thing I keep telling myself is that there's no more time for break downs. Get up and run again. Time to time we remind ourselves when our mind battles the thought of lazing and studying. Hey, I never said I was perfect...
Today, we had an education fair. Looking into the requirements for entry into Uni really made me realise how great the competition is. If I don't get up and fight now, I'll be swept away just like falling into a whirlpool and never coming out of it. This is the Future! And there's no turning back now that I've come this far. I need those As.
Motivation. Speed. Concentration. Understanding. Most importantly..... FOCUS.
The elements to succeed.
I still wonder what's going to happen. People say that you determine the road of your life. I'm doing something about it by starting right now. If your with me, meet me at the finish line.
Cry now in pain and cry for joy later. People say that we are the cause of shaping our roads and future. Do you?
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Relay for Life...
'Dear Grandma, when I lit those flames, I thought of you...'
Yesterday was Relay for Life. It never occurred to me before the reason for me being so enthusiastic about getting involved in this programme.
I felt like there was a reason why I was linked to it.
After yesterday, I realised the reason why.
Cancer is sickness that tears and separates the loved ones away. Cancer is painful and if only people knew the pain undergone.
When I watched my friends sending messages to their loved ones on the luminiria bags, tears welled up in the pool of my heart. I could sense the pain for the lost of those they have been fighting for to live and love.
If cancer hadn't struck my grandma, she would still be here with me. And I know things would have been different.
When I sent my fire of love, I hope she knows that deep down, I hope to meet her again.
Despite the circumstance, I still pray and hope that other cancer patients who are battling the war will remain strong. My prayer for you is that, you will make it through to be with your loved ones. Life is a gift and a gift, will never be taken away from you if you hold on to it.
This indeed, was a very meaningful event to me. For the previous years, I never got a chance to observe the Luminiria ceremony. But after I did, I know deep down, that hope is always there. Hope to survive; hope to continue to battle, and hope to be reunited with our loved ones again.
My dear grandma, this is for you.
Love,
your granddaughter. xoxo
Yesterday was Relay for Life. It never occurred to me before the reason for me being so enthusiastic about getting involved in this programme.
I felt like there was a reason why I was linked to it.
After yesterday, I realised the reason why.
Cancer is sickness that tears and separates the loved ones away. Cancer is painful and if only people knew the pain undergone.
When I watched my friends sending messages to their loved ones on the luminiria bags, tears welled up in the pool of my heart. I could sense the pain for the lost of those they have been fighting for to live and love.
If cancer hadn't struck my grandma, she would still be here with me. And I know things would have been different.
When I sent my fire of love, I hope she knows that deep down, I hope to meet her again.
Despite the circumstance, I still pray and hope that other cancer patients who are battling the war will remain strong. My prayer for you is that, you will make it through to be with your loved ones. Life is a gift and a gift, will never be taken away from you if you hold on to it.
This indeed, was a very meaningful event to me. For the previous years, I never got a chance to observe the Luminiria ceremony. But after I did, I know deep down, that hope is always there. Hope to survive; hope to continue to battle, and hope to be reunited with our loved ones again.
My dear grandma, this is for you.
Love,
your granddaughter. xoxo
Friday, June 4, 2010
You're never alone...
'Babe, if I could whisper into your ears, I would reaffirm you that you're never on your own.'
Sometimes the tears you shed,
Those you cry in pain,
Are sore and heart wrenching.
No one sees that lone that dwells within your heart,
Your friends have left,
Your standing in the middle of the field.
Things come and go. One second to be seen and another to disappear. Sometimes, it doesn't feel right when we can't seem to fit in. Everyone's laughing and sneaking gossips while your sitting by your desk by the window, ever wondering if anyone really cares.
She smiles and speaks like she is full of radiance; but inside, she keeps many things locked in her heart. I only realised that when we think we don't fit in, we aren't really the only ones.
When I see her alone, I wonder if I could go up to her and tell her, you're not on your own. I too, see the lone in your eyes and share those dreadful moments at times.
If only she knew, I would want to be, that missing friend she always needed.
In another situation; where a girl has just lost betrayal of her good friends, I wish to go up to you and say, "Hey, I've been there before, and everything is going to be okay".
It doesn't have to be a friend. It could be a recent break up.
I recognize those sorrows in your eyes and the pain you must be feeling. My dear, if you happen to read this, my hopes for you is that you'll be strong. Know that, your still a jewel; treasured and worthwhile. So what if he is a jerk? You're an awesome babe, and I'm glad to have you as my buddy.
To the one who has always been waiting with a heart or want for the truth, my wish for you is that you'll let the path lead you. If ever you have lost your love who has been swept away, always look forward for the best which is yet to come.
Stand on the beach today and you'll realize this one thing. The ground is full of tiny dust of sand. But if you look carefully, each of them are like little separate beads, linking up to form the ground.
If you look harder in life, there's more that is installed for you. Your like the fine grain of sand, waiting to belong. Indeed, your not wrong.
If ever your lost, or alienated, know that you still have someone greater inside with you. That's yourself. Be strong and never give up cause you're never on your own.
If you ever feel like there's no one left in your life, let me be the first to tell you that someone out there cares. I care about you too. It may not be me, but there is someone waiting out there to love you.
Sometimes the tears you shed,
Those you cry in pain,
Are sore and heart wrenching.
No one sees that lone that dwells within your heart,
Your friends have left,
Your standing in the middle of the field.
Things come and go. One second to be seen and another to disappear. Sometimes, it doesn't feel right when we can't seem to fit in. Everyone's laughing and sneaking gossips while your sitting by your desk by the window, ever wondering if anyone really cares.
She smiles and speaks like she is full of radiance; but inside, she keeps many things locked in her heart. I only realised that when we think we don't fit in, we aren't really the only ones.
When I see her alone, I wonder if I could go up to her and tell her, you're not on your own. I too, see the lone in your eyes and share those dreadful moments at times.
If only she knew, I would want to be, that missing friend she always needed.
In another situation; where a girl has just lost betrayal of her good friends, I wish to go up to you and say, "Hey, I've been there before, and everything is going to be okay".
It doesn't have to be a friend. It could be a recent break up.
I recognize those sorrows in your eyes and the pain you must be feeling. My dear, if you happen to read this, my hopes for you is that you'll be strong. Know that, your still a jewel; treasured and worthwhile. So what if he is a jerk? You're an awesome babe, and I'm glad to have you as my buddy.
To the one who has always been waiting with a heart or want for the truth, my wish for you is that you'll let the path lead you. If ever you have lost your love who has been swept away, always look forward for the best which is yet to come.
Stand on the beach today and you'll realize this one thing. The ground is full of tiny dust of sand. But if you look carefully, each of them are like little separate beads, linking up to form the ground.
If you look harder in life, there's more that is installed for you. Your like the fine grain of sand, waiting to belong. Indeed, your not wrong.
If ever your lost, or alienated, know that you still have someone greater inside with you. That's yourself. Be strong and never give up cause you're never on your own.
If you ever feel like there's no one left in your life, let me be the first to tell you that someone out there cares. I care about you too. It may not be me, but there is someone waiting out there to love you.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Beauty
Lately, I have no idea why I am encountering this phrase...
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder".
This quote is so true. Your beautiful. I'm beautiful. And its not because we have dead jaw-dropping looks or those awesome body curves. It's what lies in the inside of you.
Some of my close friends tell me all the time, "I'm ugly." Or "I'm not pretty".
I sigh each time upon hearing those comments; and I'm trying so hard to convey this very message. It is not how flawless your face is. Its not about the clothes you wear, or the make up you use.
It's about the heart. As long as you have any of these, your definitely beautiful!
The 10 golden rules about being beautiful(according to Fi):
1. Kind
2. Talented
3. Cute( Incase you search the dictionary, I don't mean ugly and adorable. I mean genuine cute)
4. Sweet
5. Intelligent
6. Good hearted
7. Patient
8. Bold, confident
9. Caring
10. Gentle and soft spoken
Did you realise that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes by the way?
Yes, I'm talking about thin, and the cuddly ones too.
Beauty is the insight of us. Something that outshines to the external surface.
It's our identity, and not a mimic.
We cry all the time, thinking that we're not good enough. We don't have the perfect body, or face.
But, its not true. Your heart matters most.
In any circumstances, I for one feel that we shouldn't go based on the exterior.
Imagine someone who isn't that all great; but with an admired spirit.
After staring much longer, you'll see that beauty.
Notice that life is always solely based on the surface. But, I suggest that you take a closer look. I mean, believe me or not. It will happen.
What's beauty without a heart of gold? Don't lie that you wouldn't like someone to treat you with love. Don't lie to yourself that you only want the beauty of a person who rips your heart apart.
Cause we all know that life is not merely about being noted most pretty person but Beautiful.
Both outward and inward.
To people with low self esteem, Don't be discourage. If no one notices you now, don't be devastated. Don't cry. Be proud of yourself and lift your head held high.
Everyone is special and unique. It's only a matter of when we discover ourselves.
Life's a challenge. Life's to make you beautiful. Your life means something. Embrace yourself and never give up.
Your beautiful, and you know it :)
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder".
This quote is so true. Your beautiful. I'm beautiful. And its not because we have dead jaw-dropping looks or those awesome body curves. It's what lies in the inside of you.
Some of my close friends tell me all the time, "I'm ugly." Or "I'm not pretty".
I sigh each time upon hearing those comments; and I'm trying so hard to convey this very message. It is not how flawless your face is. Its not about the clothes you wear, or the make up you use.
It's about the heart. As long as you have any of these, your definitely beautiful!
The 10 golden rules about being beautiful(according to Fi):
1. Kind
2. Talented
3. Cute( Incase you search the dictionary, I don't mean ugly and adorable. I mean genuine cute)
4. Sweet
5. Intelligent
6. Good hearted
7. Patient
8. Bold, confident
9. Caring
10. Gentle and soft spoken
Did you realise that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes by the way?
Yes, I'm talking about thin, and the cuddly ones too.
Beauty is the insight of us. Something that outshines to the external surface.
It's our identity, and not a mimic.
We cry all the time, thinking that we're not good enough. We don't have the perfect body, or face.
But, its not true. Your heart matters most.
In any circumstances, I for one feel that we shouldn't go based on the exterior.
Imagine someone who isn't that all great; but with an admired spirit.
After staring much longer, you'll see that beauty.
Notice that life is always solely based on the surface. But, I suggest that you take a closer look. I mean, believe me or not. It will happen.
What's beauty without a heart of gold? Don't lie that you wouldn't like someone to treat you with love. Don't lie to yourself that you only want the beauty of a person who rips your heart apart.
Cause we all know that life is not merely about being noted most pretty person but Beautiful.
Both outward and inward.
To people with low self esteem, Don't be discourage. If no one notices you now, don't be devastated. Don't cry. Be proud of yourself and lift your head held high.
Everyone is special and unique. It's only a matter of when we discover ourselves.
Life's a challenge. Life's to make you beautiful. Your life means something. Embrace yourself and never give up.
Your beautiful, and you know it :)
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
The Fear I overcomed...
If you asked me to speak in front of a large crowd some time ago... I would say this: NO WAY!!
Here goes:
26th March 2010
Last rehearsal before my life and death(don't forget, I'm a stage fright person). It all begin when I read the news and decided to try myself at a challenge. People always quote that facing your fears will enable you to overcome them.
Anyway, I always think that it's best to hide. So people wouldn't laugh at me. Don't like to be sneered or gossiped at for one thing. Which made me actually lose the guts to try.
But my teacher, Ms.J was really encouraging. :) Thanks teacher.
We had practices the weeks before; and I pretty much enjoyed myself.
Today's the last day of practise. All nerves chill and I'm becoming more nervous.
That goes for my brain too. It freezes and... BaaM!! No information coming out. Now you know my defination of stage fright.
It's night, and I'm surprised that I actually feel tired enough to shut my eyes a few minutes after getting to bed.
27th March 2010
Good morning.. And today's kinda a big day for me... In case you missed it, I HAVE STAGE FRIGHT!! There... I said it.
Gathered out of the hall. Its time to get into the waiting room. We feel really nervous and even worst when everyone else just seem to look so serene. Keish thinks we should all pray. So we do.
The competition goes like this...(I forgot to mention though its public speaking. )
We get called according to the name list. And again, sometimes I wonder why my name begin with an 'F'. ( I do like my name alot, don't get mistaken)
I get 30 minutes to write up and present right after.
God, please give me a good topic. Please don't make me get a shorter life...
"LIFE"
My topic of the day is life. There's so many things to say. Where to begin?? I start writing up my scripts and little notes. My brain can't think again. Process Fi!! I tell myself.
Tick tock!Tick tock!
And next from Penang Chinese Girls High School.....
Crap, my turn is up!!
*Clearing throat*
Good morning ladies and gentlemen, my topic today is 'life'. Are you breathing right now? Are you living right now? In science we learn that an ovum fuses with and egg to form an embryo. After several months, the first heart beat of the embryo is known as... Life...
(Blablabla...I can't mention the whole thing here though)
As I was speaking, I tried to look into the audience eyes. I try not to refer to my notes. But, I got too nervous that I nearly forgot all my points. I repeated slightly. Just to keep the flow going.
End.
Audiences applaud, my teacher smiles at me.
Skipping to the results, didn't quite make it to the finals. I have no idea why everyone thinks I'm sad about it. In fact, I'm really quite satisfied already.
It took more than guts to take the stand and continuously utter without faltering and stopping and running down the stand. But, I did!! I finally finished til the word 'Thank you'.
I never knew that I would actually stand up a crowd and hear myself finally end.
I did it! if only dad and mom were here to celebrate the moment with me.
To me, it's not about the winning. It's that I finally learnt to overcome my fears.
I could speak in a crowd. My own victory. That's what matters most.
You don't have to be a champion, cause your already a winner.
To those out there who are reading, fear comes in every way. Sometimes, we just need to believe in ourselves to overcome them.
So, start believing and you'll make it through!
That's from me for now.
Cheers!!
Here goes:
26th March 2010
Last rehearsal before my life and death(don't forget, I'm a stage fright person). It all begin when I read the news and decided to try myself at a challenge. People always quote that facing your fears will enable you to overcome them.
Anyway, I always think that it's best to hide. So people wouldn't laugh at me. Don't like to be sneered or gossiped at for one thing. Which made me actually lose the guts to try.
But my teacher, Ms.J was really encouraging. :) Thanks teacher.
We had practices the weeks before; and I pretty much enjoyed myself.
Today's the last day of practise. All nerves chill and I'm becoming more nervous.
That goes for my brain too. It freezes and... BaaM!! No information coming out. Now you know my defination of stage fright.
It's night, and I'm surprised that I actually feel tired enough to shut my eyes a few minutes after getting to bed.
27th March 2010
Good morning.. And today's kinda a big day for me... In case you missed it, I HAVE STAGE FRIGHT!! There... I said it.
Gathered out of the hall. Its time to get into the waiting room. We feel really nervous and even worst when everyone else just seem to look so serene. Keish thinks we should all pray. So we do.
The competition goes like this...(I forgot to mention though its public speaking. )
We get called according to the name list. And again, sometimes I wonder why my name begin with an 'F'. ( I do like my name alot, don't get mistaken)
I get 30 minutes to write up and present right after.
God, please give me a good topic. Please don't make me get a shorter life...
"LIFE"
My topic of the day is life. There's so many things to say. Where to begin?? I start writing up my scripts and little notes. My brain can't think again. Process Fi!! I tell myself.
Tick tock!Tick tock!
And next from Penang Chinese Girls High School.....
Crap, my turn is up!!
*Clearing throat*
Good morning ladies and gentlemen, my topic today is 'life'. Are you breathing right now? Are you living right now? In science we learn that an ovum fuses with and egg to form an embryo. After several months, the first heart beat of the embryo is known as... Life...
(Blablabla...I can't mention the whole thing here though)
As I was speaking, I tried to look into the audience eyes. I try not to refer to my notes. But, I got too nervous that I nearly forgot all my points. I repeated slightly. Just to keep the flow going.
End.
Audiences applaud, my teacher smiles at me.
Skipping to the results, didn't quite make it to the finals. I have no idea why everyone thinks I'm sad about it. In fact, I'm really quite satisfied already.
It took more than guts to take the stand and continuously utter without faltering and stopping and running down the stand. But, I did!! I finally finished til the word 'Thank you'.
I never knew that I would actually stand up a crowd and hear myself finally end.
I did it! if only dad and mom were here to celebrate the moment with me.
To me, it's not about the winning. It's that I finally learnt to overcome my fears.
I could speak in a crowd. My own victory. That's what matters most.
You don't have to be a champion, cause your already a winner.
To those out there who are reading, fear comes in every way. Sometimes, we just need to believe in ourselves to overcome them.
So, start believing and you'll make it through!
That's from me for now.
Cheers!!
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
The sight...
Staring straight into the screen. My eyes are hurting badly.
Maybe it is due to the lack of sleep I had last night. The stress is on my eyes just to make sure that I get to finish reading before I'm back to my hectic life.
Been trying to chill lately, but things seem to mount up.
Finally, I think it's time to blurt out everything.
The scent of my hair is currently a replica of tar..(and I literally meant tar as in tar from the tree..herb kind of thing.)
Current update, removing my spectacles and glaring out of the window is not anywhere near my list.
It's been almost more than a month since I strained my eyes. It would tire out easily and sometimes it just makes me so frustrated.
From almost not seeing speeding cars ahead on the road to running into the walls. And that is just barely the beginning. Numerous times I would miss a step or get out from somewhere with a blue black on my knee.
Sometimes I feel like leashing it out ..
People think I'm being negligent or pretending to be lazy. But that's really not the point.
The fact is, people don't really understand.
Without my glasses, everything is merely like a faded scrap of painting.
Faces can't be recognised unless brought to closer look.
I bet I'll actually slip into the drain if I hadn't any on.
As I'm writing now, the light is piercing fiercely.
During the day, it's just light beaming sharply and blinding my sights.
Everything turns grey black for awhile . And my pupils are left stunned from closing suddenly.
Sometimes, the view is lovely when accompanied by natural sounds.
Sometimes, people keep pasturing me into doing lasers.
This isn't braces... ( I tell them)
It's not something you can change overnight. There are internal risks and the possibilities of facing eye damage or blindness.
Even if that's not the case, a laser is still a knife that slices through.
I'm not afraid of the pain.
I know that it will bounce back to consequence number one..that is BLINDNESS
But doctors will deny them. Effects will happen many years later. And eventually, blindness it still the case.
I'm rather grateful that I can still see. And that there is the invention of glasses.
However, my prayers are that, one day...
I will get to see the world from a different perspective. Perfectly...
I'm looking forward for a miracle.
Maybe it is due to the lack of sleep I had last night. The stress is on my eyes just to make sure that I get to finish reading before I'm back to my hectic life.
Been trying to chill lately, but things seem to mount up.
Finally, I think it's time to blurt out everything.
The scent of my hair is currently a replica of tar..(and I literally meant tar as in tar from the tree..herb kind of thing.)
Current update, removing my spectacles and glaring out of the window is not anywhere near my list.
It's been almost more than a month since I strained my eyes. It would tire out easily and sometimes it just makes me so frustrated.
From almost not seeing speeding cars ahead on the road to running into the walls. And that is just barely the beginning. Numerous times I would miss a step or get out from somewhere with a blue black on my knee.
Sometimes I feel like leashing it out ..
People think I'm being negligent or pretending to be lazy. But that's really not the point.
The fact is, people don't really understand.
Without my glasses, everything is merely like a faded scrap of painting.
Faces can't be recognised unless brought to closer look.
I bet I'll actually slip into the drain if I hadn't any on.
As I'm writing now, the light is piercing fiercely.
During the day, it's just light beaming sharply and blinding my sights.
Everything turns grey black for awhile . And my pupils are left stunned from closing suddenly.
Sometimes, the view is lovely when accompanied by natural sounds.
Sometimes, people keep pasturing me into doing lasers.
This isn't braces... ( I tell them)
It's not something you can change overnight. There are internal risks and the possibilities of facing eye damage or blindness.
Even if that's not the case, a laser is still a knife that slices through.
I'm not afraid of the pain.
I know that it will bounce back to consequence number one..that is BLINDNESS
But doctors will deny them. Effects will happen many years later. And eventually, blindness it still the case.
I'm rather grateful that I can still see. And that there is the invention of glasses.
However, my prayers are that, one day...
I will get to see the world from a different perspective. Perfectly...
I'm looking forward for a miracle.
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