Rough Edge

Dear Blog,

I can't figure out why this is another difficult passer by for me. It's not the exams that worry me alone this time. The first step I have taken is sweet; you'll somehow end with a bitter departure.

It feels like all over high school again. To wish for a do over, to wish for happiness; everyone wishing for strings of As.

For me, I'm looking forward to Christmas this year. Reason number one, is that STPM will be past over. Mostly, I'm looking forward to a change of environment and a gift this year.
Not a car. Nor an iPhone. My only hope this year is that love, good friendship and a good future will fall along my path.

It's a tough journey and things are wearing me down; physically, mentally, socially and emotionally. Tired of being tied down to books. On top of that, bad tummy pains. What's more?
Undeniable ties you thought would last. I see friends laughing around accompanied. What then about me?

I look the into the mirror and wonder, if there'll be ever another image. One that will support me, to guide and be there for me. I swing in the park. An empty seat beside me. I see a couple nearby in deep support towards each other. Friends getting ones who care about them, even if not guys, then just pure, sweet girlfriends to talk to.

How long more will it take before this moment is over?
My tears keep streaming. I huddle in my bed with wet pillows.
I wish that this is all just a dream.
Why can't someone shake me up and tear me from these hurts or pain?
I wish that when I wake up, all these nightmares will disappear, and someone will catch me in this dark hour.

Dear God, I know your listening. All I wish for this Christmas is for good friends, love and a future. Amen.