Do you feel like there's no one listening to you at times? Or like you're almost alone probably cause it's something you can't ask; or something that can't be answered.
I've been asking myself a lot of things for the past couple of months. Why this? Why that? Sometimes, I even ask, God, are you even listening? Or have you just turned silent all of a sudden??
My anger rushes at times til I burst out with streams of tears; thinking there's no way of escape. Like this has been the worst part of my life; not exactly but almost. Things get worst at times and I run heading nowhere. It's like an endless journey with no road signs and everything seems more than anonymous.
Through these times, when I thought no one heard me; I know that God did. I keep doubting Him cause I never understood the plans He has for me. Remember when I said God was silent? He isn't. He just waits to speak at the right time in a unique way to every individual. A good parent loves their child and would never throw anything bad at them. I know that now, and I don't wanna give up.
Faith is my name. On that, was I born. It's so impossible to believe of the plans He has installed for me because I see the view as it is. But God views from the top; an overall view.
As far as I know, I have a reason to look forward to. I may not know what is next, but even if something is intended for the worst, God will turn it to be for the best. To melt our hearts so that we can leap into the change of season.
There's a time when we cry and undergo pain, but there's something beautiful. Most importantly, when you feel like crying, know that there's God. He listens. In fact, His the best listener and He'll open a door for you at the right season at the right time. I did doubt, but I want to have that childlike faith once again.
I don't know the future but God holds it perfectly. I have a tingle that something good is coming. All I have to do now is leap to my Father and trust in Him.
Believe. Faith. Enter the new season.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Sunday, October 31, 2010
A Special Sisterhood in Friendship
First things first, don't get me wrong; I totally love my sister the most...
I'm talking about a special bond also known as sisterhood but in friendship. It means that someone's like your sister, except that you guys aren't blood tied. But she's more than a friend.
I never knew I'd say this but yes, I think I've finally found my sisterhood after years. They say that friends fight, they cry, and laugh together. Here's one thing you never knew; or perhaps you already do... That most of the times, they may be the ones who knows you best and sometimes, we should already know who would tell us the truth.
Five years ago, at our first gym meet for the year, a girl stepped in. Man, what scared us all was her freaking flexibility! And never did it cross my mind that Ms. Flexible would be my bestie. She still is.. Until now :)
Schooling was hard now and then but the funniest thing is, we ended up working together for somewhat reason I don't know in our first gym competition. She got the music, we planned our routines together. I can't quite remember much but I do recall us snacking in the gym. Sleeping on the mattresses to chill out, then Pn.P (she thinks she owns the gym); would start all about how the gym is meant for exercising and not lazing around. Some weird teacher who can't even do gym, I might add.
I still remember once Mr Ang even mistaken both of us for being sisters. Most people thought we were when we hung out together.
The times which touched me most were the moments when we laughed alot. Reen would get me scrunchies and help me with my hair during competitions. We even planned our competition outfits! Those times were seriously awesome. She helped me out when I lost touch with my beam work, an I still really owe her much of my thanks. :)
Through out these five years, we had our rough patch too. But I guess, we both missed each other. (I didn't think I'll miss a friend any much more than I actually did). It was silent for awhile. Gosh, we both didn't even realise how much we both miss our friendship; chatting together, talking and gossiping for all I remember. Those strengthenings we did together and motivated ourselves despite pure torture.
Some friends are made to be with you through thick and thin. I think I've found mine. Doesn't matter what people think or say. My gym buddy, and bestie; a sisterhood that I've obtained from friendship.
A cloud forms before rain,
A rainbow after a heavy storm,
It seems dark at first,
But then, light is what sparks,
What's more than a friend,
Than the ones that stand by you?
Flowers stand together,
They die as one as well.
Dedicated to Reen.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Reminiscence in SGGS
Just a couple of days ago, I flicked through some magazines. SGGS Prime 2007.SGGS Prime 2008.
I turned on the computer and reviewed our special night in June 2008. Those pretty gowns, those lovely smiles. Some old friends that reminded me of the warmth, those moments how all of us met innocently. How those moments we'd taken for granted during then. We learnt together, bonded during classes. I remember how we used to mimic teacher's behaviours. How we used to plan our outfits for prom and those awesome times we had together. I recall us even having Prom meetings that time! :) That was really something.
Being in high school has taught me so many things. It brought forth responsibility in me. SGGS is where we grew up in. We had projects together which made life tedious but yet; an enjoyable yet hectic time. Many times, we've fallen but our friendships stand strong. Being in SGGS taught me to forgive, to learn, to be open and love.
Friends have educated me so much. From practising to competing, to even planning together knitted us even closer. I understand now what I hadn't many years ago. When we took our first step into SGGS, what a marvel at the achievements our seniors set for us. We were small, and had so much to learn. Now that time has passed, I realised that not only have we cultivated wisdom, courage but also sisterhood that would never die.
Internally, each of us have a bond that we'll never forget from being impaired in the process of growing. We saw each other's weaknesses, but we gave each other room to progress. Sometimes, it is not the bitter moments that stays but the good that retains in our hearts. I wonder how many Georgians out reminiscence those moments every now and then.
I miss you gurls. Its true when they say red is courage. Bravery. Every Georgian is unique, talented. The all-in-one package. I would definitely agree when teachers used to quote this... Cause its so true! Georgians are pure beauty with brains.
Georgian babe..Signing off *blow kisses*
I turned on the computer and reviewed our special night in June 2008. Those pretty gowns, those lovely smiles. Some old friends that reminded me of the warmth, those moments how all of us met innocently. How those moments we'd taken for granted during then. We learnt together, bonded during classes. I remember how we used to mimic teacher's behaviours. How we used to plan our outfits for prom and those awesome times we had together. I recall us even having Prom meetings that time! :) That was really something.
Being in high school has taught me so many things. It brought forth responsibility in me. SGGS is where we grew up in. We had projects together which made life tedious but yet; an enjoyable yet hectic time. Many times, we've fallen but our friendships stand strong. Being in SGGS taught me to forgive, to learn, to be open and love.
Friends have educated me so much. From practising to competing, to even planning together knitted us even closer. I understand now what I hadn't many years ago. When we took our first step into SGGS, what a marvel at the achievements our seniors set for us. We were small, and had so much to learn. Now that time has passed, I realised that not only have we cultivated wisdom, courage but also sisterhood that would never die.
Internally, each of us have a bond that we'll never forget from being impaired in the process of growing. We saw each other's weaknesses, but we gave each other room to progress. Sometimes, it is not the bitter moments that stays but the good that retains in our hearts. I wonder how many Georgians out reminiscence those moments every now and then.
I miss you gurls. Its true when they say red is courage. Bravery. Every Georgian is unique, talented. The all-in-one package. I would definitely agree when teachers used to quote this... Cause its so true! Georgians are pure beauty with brains.
Georgian babe..Signing off *blow kisses*
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Rough Edge
Dear Blog,
I can't figure out why this is another difficult passer by for me. It's not the exams that worry me alone this time. The first step I have taken is sweet; you'll somehow end with a bitter departure.
It feels like all over high school again. To wish for a do over, to wish for happiness; everyone wishing for strings of As.
For me, I'm looking forward to Christmas this year. Reason number one, is that STPM will be past over. Mostly, I'm looking forward to a change of environment and a gift this year.
Not a car. Nor an iPhone. My only hope this year is that love, good friendship and a good future will fall along my path.
It's a tough journey and things are wearing me down; physically, mentally, socially and emotionally. Tired of being tied down to books. On top of that, bad tummy pains. What's more?
Undeniable ties you thought would last. I see friends laughing around accompanied. What then about me?
I look the into the mirror and wonder, if there'll be ever another image. One that will support me, to guide and be there for me. I swing in the park. An empty seat beside me. I see a couple nearby in deep support towards each other. Friends getting ones who care about them, even if not guys, then just pure, sweet girlfriends to talk to.
How long more will it take before this moment is over?
My tears keep streaming. I huddle in my bed with wet pillows.
I wish that this is all just a dream.
Why can't someone shake me up and tear me from these hurts or pain?
I wish that when I wake up, all these nightmares will disappear, and someone will catch me in this dark hour.
Dear God, I know your listening. All I wish for this Christmas is for good friends, love and a future. Amen.
I can't figure out why this is another difficult passer by for me. It's not the exams that worry me alone this time. The first step I have taken is sweet; you'll somehow end with a bitter departure.
It feels like all over high school again. To wish for a do over, to wish for happiness; everyone wishing for strings of As.
For me, I'm looking forward to Christmas this year. Reason number one, is that STPM will be past over. Mostly, I'm looking forward to a change of environment and a gift this year.
Not a car. Nor an iPhone. My only hope this year is that love, good friendship and a good future will fall along my path.
It's a tough journey and things are wearing me down; physically, mentally, socially and emotionally. Tired of being tied down to books. On top of that, bad tummy pains. What's more?
Undeniable ties you thought would last. I see friends laughing around accompanied. What then about me?
I look the into the mirror and wonder, if there'll be ever another image. One that will support me, to guide and be there for me. I swing in the park. An empty seat beside me. I see a couple nearby in deep support towards each other. Friends getting ones who care about them, even if not guys, then just pure, sweet girlfriends to talk to.
How long more will it take before this moment is over?
My tears keep streaming. I huddle in my bed with wet pillows.
I wish that this is all just a dream.
Why can't someone shake me up and tear me from these hurts or pain?
I wish that when I wake up, all these nightmares will disappear, and someone will catch me in this dark hour.
Dear God, I know your listening. All I wish for this Christmas is for good friends, love and a future. Amen.
Friday, October 1, 2010
To The Very Last Battle...
Trials were just over about a week ago.
Each waking day is is redirected to fright and the countdown to destiny....
OUR DESTINY....
Its just two months away and I'm not progressing any better than I thought I would. Disappointments after disappointments; I still ask myself each day if I have time to catch up. Time to pick up; or time to relearn the things I should have in my earlier convenience. Why should I look back? I did whatever I could. Just that it wasn't merely enough.
Time is ticking and it feels like the time bomb is almost due. Yet, I'm still like a semi-prepared soldier for battle. Lacking modified armor to withstand darts of fire from the enemies. A wrong hit, and I may land up as..... NOTHING! Worrisome and slight fatigue is eating on my bones.
The look in everyone's eyes. Their gray rings below of that of their eyes which cry anxiety. Hardly a smile puckers over the edge of their lips. Frowns on their temples and nothing more than clenched fingers. It freaks me out more than ever. I've hardly got this amount of pressure to push myself despite falling over and over. I know, its something I'll have to work out.
Somehow, this is my one and only last chance. Last year of schooling means last year of achieving.
Though my stomach cramps with fear, my heart beats countlessly, the strength to pursue still has to stay. Its for myself and the people around me. Prove them wrong. Prove myself that I can take a challenge. I'm not gonna give up now. Not even at the last resort. Its going to be the hardest journey as a youth, but I want to believe in the positive that is bound to happen.
Self-motivation. Determination. Inspiration. Whispers into my ear. Yes, I tell myself. I want to believe but I know, its going to take my more than myself. Something bigger for the impossible. I'll await the supernatural. Cause natural can't save me now. Not by myself, I know you are with me.
Believe. Triumph. And I shall! Don't give up now to my friends out there who are reading this. We're gonna work this together. Hold on tight to the end of this year's journey.
Each waking day is is redirected to fright and the countdown to destiny....
OUR DESTINY....
Its just two months away and I'm not progressing any better than I thought I would. Disappointments after disappointments; I still ask myself each day if I have time to catch up. Time to pick up; or time to relearn the things I should have in my earlier convenience. Why should I look back? I did whatever I could. Just that it wasn't merely enough.
Time is ticking and it feels like the time bomb is almost due. Yet, I'm still like a semi-prepared soldier for battle. Lacking modified armor to withstand darts of fire from the enemies. A wrong hit, and I may land up as..... NOTHING! Worrisome and slight fatigue is eating on my bones.
The look in everyone's eyes. Their gray rings below of that of their eyes which cry anxiety. Hardly a smile puckers over the edge of their lips. Frowns on their temples and nothing more than clenched fingers. It freaks me out more than ever. I've hardly got this amount of pressure to push myself despite falling over and over. I know, its something I'll have to work out.
Somehow, this is my one and only last chance. Last year of schooling means last year of achieving.
Though my stomach cramps with fear, my heart beats countlessly, the strength to pursue still has to stay. Its for myself and the people around me. Prove them wrong. Prove myself that I can take a challenge. I'm not gonna give up now. Not even at the last resort. Its going to be the hardest journey as a youth, but I want to believe in the positive that is bound to happen.
Self-motivation. Determination. Inspiration. Whispers into my ear. Yes, I tell myself. I want to believe but I know, its going to take my more than myself. Something bigger for the impossible. I'll await the supernatural. Cause natural can't save me now. Not by myself, I know you are with me.
Believe. Triumph. And I shall! Don't give up now to my friends out there who are reading this. We're gonna work this together. Hold on tight to the end of this year's journey.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Fighting The Treasures of Life...
What do you do when things are broken?
Throw it? Leave it? Or deal with it?
Until last week, I never realised how much I would do to fix something that's broken. Until it became perfect once again. No matter how many times those letterings from the chain kept falling apart, I deliberately chose to sit for half an hour fiddling and fixing it up. It wasn't the first.
Over and over again I never allowed my belongings to extend its way to be less used. I would fix it. Use pliers til its perfected. Even when my school uniforms were slightly torn, I would sew it back until that gap has closed.
Have you wanted anything so badly, that you'll do almost anything to make sure its perfect?
As far as I know, I'm that person. I keep asking myself why Fi? Why? ...
Its not just merely about fixing things that are broken. It's about how much I want to straighten things out so that in one way or another, fight for its existence.
When something or someone means to you, you'll never let it slip through your fingers. Instead, you'll fight for its right to stay as long as it possibly can. I wonder sometimes if fate decides who or what you become. I mean what if, its supposedly not in the plan of your life. But you chose that path yourself. Its not meant to be yours, and yet, you would snatch it as hard as you can; even if its out of your grasps. If fate determined that you shan't get it and signs around you indicate so, would it not be right to still oppose reality?
If you knew someone was leaving today for good, and you had the chance to stop it, would you? Fate can be fate. But what if, fate is wrong? What if, we can really reach out for what we yearn for? Is it not right to fight for it?
Monday was an incident. Today is not a coincidence.
Class 2010 will be our last year in high school. What is high school without a proper ending? Memories are the only elements we can keep after this. Of friendships, experiences and so many more undescribable things that has mould us into individual selves. Today I made a decision, that is to try. I wonder how many people are on my side to get our night. A night that all of us will never forget. A night to cherish in our memories forever. I'm going to fight for what I believe in. I know that my fellow friends want this too.My hopes are that things will work out and that everyone will steer towards our goal of being united before we leave each other. I love you people who are so awesome.
I'm not stopping until I have no road or options left. After all, these are the treasures we are fighting for...
Fidelia. xoxo
Throw it? Leave it? Or deal with it?
Until last week, I never realised how much I would do to fix something that's broken. Until it became perfect once again. No matter how many times those letterings from the chain kept falling apart, I deliberately chose to sit for half an hour fiddling and fixing it up. It wasn't the first.
Over and over again I never allowed my belongings to extend its way to be less used. I would fix it. Use pliers til its perfected. Even when my school uniforms were slightly torn, I would sew it back until that gap has closed.
Have you wanted anything so badly, that you'll do almost anything to make sure its perfect?
As far as I know, I'm that person. I keep asking myself why Fi? Why? ...
Its not just merely about fixing things that are broken. It's about how much I want to straighten things out so that in one way or another, fight for its existence.
When something or someone means to you, you'll never let it slip through your fingers. Instead, you'll fight for its right to stay as long as it possibly can. I wonder sometimes if fate decides who or what you become. I mean what if, its supposedly not in the plan of your life. But you chose that path yourself. Its not meant to be yours, and yet, you would snatch it as hard as you can; even if its out of your grasps. If fate determined that you shan't get it and signs around you indicate so, would it not be right to still oppose reality?
If you knew someone was leaving today for good, and you had the chance to stop it, would you? Fate can be fate. But what if, fate is wrong? What if, we can really reach out for what we yearn for? Is it not right to fight for it?
Monday was an incident. Today is not a coincidence.
Class 2010 will be our last year in high school. What is high school without a proper ending? Memories are the only elements we can keep after this. Of friendships, experiences and so many more undescribable things that has mould us into individual selves. Today I made a decision, that is to try. I wonder how many people are on my side to get our night. A night that all of us will never forget. A night to cherish in our memories forever. I'm going to fight for what I believe in. I know that my fellow friends want this too.My hopes are that things will work out and that everyone will steer towards our goal of being united before we leave each other. I love you people who are so awesome.
I'm not stopping until I have no road or options left. After all, these are the treasures we are fighting for...
Fidelia. xoxo
Battle between books,and life...
I'm sorry for the delay in my blog update. As you can see, this is the battle between books and life. Thanks to Brian, here's the update. Why does this sound awkward? Hmphh. Never mind.
Lately, I've been pondering over what I'd wanna do rather than focusing on how. A musician perhaps. Or a writer? I have no idea. And I have particularly no idea on how to gear myself into the correct mode.
Class has quietened down. Less chatters, less noise or gossips. More on the sound of flipping pages and pin drop silence. Where has all the noise and cheeriness gone?
Everyone is constantly focused and not easily distracted. I stare at my pages with thoughts of what to do? Why aren't I studying? Why am I just staring??
I still can't determine where I go, but setting goals aren't a crime right? So that's what I decided to do. Since I'm not born an artist, I've decided for now to push myself towards my goals in order to maintain in the science stream. It's difficult. But at least for now, I have something to start my engine running. No more time to start the wheels. We've got to race towards the finish line. Or you'll be left behind.
I slacked back last week due to tension. It's like a partial breakdown. The only thing I keep telling myself is that there's no more time for break downs. Get up and run again. Time to time we remind ourselves when our mind battles the thought of lazing and studying. Hey, I never said I was perfect...
Today, we had an education fair. Looking into the requirements for entry into Uni really made me realise how great the competition is. If I don't get up and fight now, I'll be swept away just like falling into a whirlpool and never coming out of it. This is the Future! And there's no turning back now that I've come this far. I need those As.
Motivation. Speed. Concentration. Understanding. Most importantly..... FOCUS.
The elements to succeed.
I still wonder what's going to happen. People say that you determine the road of your life. I'm doing something about it by starting right now. If your with me, meet me at the finish line.
Cry now in pain and cry for joy later. People say that we are the cause of shaping our roads and future. Do you?
Lately, I've been pondering over what I'd wanna do rather than focusing on how. A musician perhaps. Or a writer? I have no idea. And I have particularly no idea on how to gear myself into the correct mode.
Class has quietened down. Less chatters, less noise or gossips. More on the sound of flipping pages and pin drop silence. Where has all the noise and cheeriness gone?
Everyone is constantly focused and not easily distracted. I stare at my pages with thoughts of what to do? Why aren't I studying? Why am I just staring??
I still can't determine where I go, but setting goals aren't a crime right? So that's what I decided to do. Since I'm not born an artist, I've decided for now to push myself towards my goals in order to maintain in the science stream. It's difficult. But at least for now, I have something to start my engine running. No more time to start the wheels. We've got to race towards the finish line. Or you'll be left behind.
I slacked back last week due to tension. It's like a partial breakdown. The only thing I keep telling myself is that there's no more time for break downs. Get up and run again. Time to time we remind ourselves when our mind battles the thought of lazing and studying. Hey, I never said I was perfect...
Today, we had an education fair. Looking into the requirements for entry into Uni really made me realise how great the competition is. If I don't get up and fight now, I'll be swept away just like falling into a whirlpool and never coming out of it. This is the Future! And there's no turning back now that I've come this far. I need those As.
Motivation. Speed. Concentration. Understanding. Most importantly..... FOCUS.
The elements to succeed.
I still wonder what's going to happen. People say that you determine the road of your life. I'm doing something about it by starting right now. If your with me, meet me at the finish line.
Cry now in pain and cry for joy later. People say that we are the cause of shaping our roads and future. Do you?
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